Why Can't We Be Friends?

   You're an ass hole who has completely wronged me that's why. Enough said right? YOU hurt me. YOU tore me down. YOU made me feel terrible about myself. For days, weeks, and months I have doubted myself because of YOU. I am the mess I am because of YOU! This is going to take years of psychological help to get over. YOU have wronged me in such a way that now my life is being drafted for a made for t.v. movie on Lifetime.
   Now for the big question: Who is "YOU"?

  I think it is safe to say that everyone has a "YOU" in their life. It's those people that I can point to and say if it wasn't for "YOU" I would be a better person. I wouldn't have these issues I have right now. I wouldn't doubt myself. I would have more confidence. I would be an all around better person if "YOU" hadn't screwed up so badly.
   "YOU" is that close family member who was suppose to be there but wasn't. They treated their family like strangers. "YOU" is that Christian leader who was suppose to hold up their congregation but instead watched some fall. "YOU" is that friend who was never suppose to abandon their other half but instead decided they were better off alone. "YOU" is the collection of all those people who were suppose to do something or be something for me but just never pulled through.
  So here's the deal God, I am going to be bitter about these people and I am going to continue to blame them for the way my life is now. It only seems fair right? I mean it is their fault. What's that? Reconciliation? Forgiveness? You're going to build me back up? But I walked away. I am good. I don't need to go back into all of that. I am fine. Am I fine?
  I guess that in many cases the word reconciliation can seem like closure. For a Christian it is so much more. Romans 5:10 tells us that we were reconciled through the death of Jesus. Reconciliation was salvation for Christians. And as such we are expected to practice reconciliation in our life's. A friend recently reminded me that Paul tells us in Matthew, that we are to leave our gifts at the alter and be reconciled with our brother before we offer our gift( Matthew 5:23-26). God takes reconciliation seriously. I think it's about time I started to be more serious about it too.

Average is the New Extraordinary

   Now that I am a full time blogger, I have found that the entirety of my full 3 followers and 2 silent followers (aka the technology lacking friends who can't figure out how to follow me) have much to say about my blogging experience. Well that's a lie really. One had an opinion and the other four told me "yeah its good" to make me go away. Bummer. So who was the one with the opinion? Dad.
    We were driving along when I told him about my experience today with a turtle. I was driving home from work and I happen to look down in time to realize I had run over a turtle. I immediately stopped my car and looked behind. The shell was just sitting in the street and then slowly a little head popped out. Then came the feet. I looked behind me and started to back up my car. I put my blinkers on and waited for the turtle to cross the street. Not much of an experience but hey it happened.  My dad really got excited.
             "This is it. This is what is going to set your blog above the rest. "
             "What is wrong with my blog?"
             "Three followers."
             "Oh yeah."
             "This is what is going to propel you. Connect it to a  biblical reference. This is the type of thing pastor's pray will happen to them so they can share it on Sunday!"

   It makes sense. If you ever listen to a pastor on Sunday there always seems to be a story about the great saving of the turtle. The more adorable and tearful the story, the better. That is the type of material that leaves the audience feeling ready to meet the day. Truth be told. I don't have stories like that. I don't have the heart breaking stories that make people want to get up and follow Christ. I am just your average white girl.
     You know what though I am not alone in my average ways. Think about it. The bible is riddled with average people going along about their business until a burning bush starts chatting them up.Could it possibly be that average is the new extraordinary? I do not believe that my story about a saving a turtle is going to attract any new readers. What I do believe is that as an average person, I have the ability to do some extraordinary things through God. So to my five followers: stay average and let Christ move you to be extraordinary.

Now Presenting Your Passing Opportunity

    I get frustrated with God. I can even say I've been angry with God. For a long time I believed that these feelings were horrible. How could I, a mere human, feel this way toward God? How disrespectful could I be to question the creator of the universe? Then a really good mentor of mine corrected me. Anger is only destructive when you use it to push away from a relationship. I think sometimes I see my emotions as human. But in reality, my emotions are just another reflection of the very creator I was made in the image of. Emotions are not what become destructive in our relationships. It is how we choose to react that can be destructive. With my anger will I turn away from God? Or will I instead choose to look God in the spiritual face and say "Hey I don't understand this. I am so mad and frustrated with you. But I am going to choose to trust that you have this."
   I am a very prideful person. I like to believe I can take care of myself in every way. But the truth is, I need God more then I care to let on. I think there might defiantly be some control issues in there as well (just a guess really). At the same time, I know I can accomplish so much more with God working through me. So as a clumsy Christian working my way through life, I do the only thing I can do. I pray. I pray for my prideful ways, I pray for patience, I pray for a deeper relationship with God, I ask that he helps my fiance and I put him first in our lives. I don't think I ever give enough credit to the power of prayer. God answers my prayers. But I have to say, he always seems to find a way to throw me a spiritual curve ball. I never seem to be able to anticipate these curve balls either. So I tend to strike out leaving me frustrated and annoyed. How dare you God answer my prayers in a way that I don't like.

        Isaiah 55:8-9 "For my thoughts are not your thoughts. Nor are your ways My ways." says the Lord. "For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways, and My thoughts than your thoughts."


       Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hop."

    Oh yeah, I guess that's why you dare. The funny thing is that after striking out a few times, I am actually starting to be able to hit some right out of the park. Lessons are hard sometimes. There are moments where I feel like I am never going to get it right. Then there are other times that I feel like I've got it only to realize I forgotten my lesson down the road. It is so very frustrating to be reminded on a daily basis that I am not perfect. With each emotional failure I have a God who is there pulling me back up. It's never going to be easy but who ever said this path was the easiest one to choose. After all, my creator made me to love challenges and to never give up.Instead of letting my emotions get in the way, perhaps I can use them to learn what it is God has presented me with. Too often I pass on an opportunity because I am too busy throwing a pity party for myself. Like my grandmother always says, "time to put on the big girl panties", and stop missing out on God given opportunities. 

Okay God ready for the next pitch. Oh tee ball now God? Lesson in pride? Should have saw that coming......

Embracing the Hug

    Young, old, short, tall, thin, round, pale, dark, republican, democrat, vegetarian, carnivore...different words all used to describe Christians. Yet one word is universal: Hugger. Christians like to hug. The automatic assumption is that since I am a Christian I like to hug people too.  I must say I missed that in Sunday School 101. I was never much into the whole hugging thing. Now before you go making assumptions that I was unloved as a child, I would like to point out that I have two great parents who were very loving to me. I have noticed in past years that both my brother and sister are not nearly as flinchy when it comes to the hug as I am. So I think it is safe to rule out the whole nurture issue in this nature vs. nurture debate.
  Growing up with a family in the military had us in and out of churches through out the years. By the time my hugaphobia really developed we, for the most part, were not attending a church regularly. I ended up at a little college campus attending a fairly liberal christian worship service that took place on campus once a week.These people hugged. I got a hug for showing up. A hug for returning. Hugs for when I looked sad. And I even tried looking overly happy to avoid a hug but ended up with one any way because "you have such a pretty smile." These guys were the type of students who walked around passing out free hugs to people they didn't even know in the hallways. And I was a hugaphobic in the middle of all this. What could I do though? I was the new kid and I needed new friends. Beyond that I needed a stable Christian group to support me through these college years. So I did the only thing I could, I wore a "hugs not for sale" sign. Okay I didn't really do that but it was awfully tempting after seeing students offering free hugs.
  Fast forward two years and I can admit that I am a recovering hugaphobic. I still don't jump at the chance to hug complete strangers but I defiantly love hugging my friends. Why? Well there was something I came to realize fairly early on. Something as simple as a hug acted as a security blanket for so many of my friends. It showed them that they were loved and as friend I was going to support them whether it be in that one moment or during a greater struggle down the road. A hug was certainly not my cup of tea but I knew it was what some people in my life needed. So I hugged. And what I found was that by hugging my friends and providing what they needed in a small way, I was actually starting to enjoy the experience because it made them happy.  It may seem like something trivial but this small act meant the world to some of my friends in the last two years.
  Later on I would come to find that a guy much more knowledgeable and well worded then me would come to call this the five love languages. Maybe some of you have heard of him. You know that little known author named Gary Chapman. (Check out his website! http://www.5lovelanguages.com/ ) Basically he explains in his book that there are certain ways people express and receive love. My fiance and I read this one day. It came as no surprise to me that his love language was physical touch.  He loves scooping me up in his arms every chance he gets. He just loves to be near. This defiantly has been a bit tougher for me. The cool thing is though that I enjoy being able to be close to him because I know it is what he needs to feel loved.
  Go out of your way to show someone an act of love. It may seem like a chore at first. But I can guarantee it will affect you somehow. Who knows, it may just end up changing how and why you choose to love others.

Generation ME!

  Today after another trivial day, I found myself sitting in a seat on the train ready to go home. I was sitting in my own self misery about the condition of my current life. (It is after all a favorite past time of mine). All of a sudden I heard an ungodly wail from a woman five seats ahead of me. At first I thought something physical had happen to her but as events continued to  unfold, I realized it was something far worse. Her daughter had died and she was pleaing with the other person on the phone to tell her what to do. She was paralyzed. She didn't seem to know what to do. I felt for the woman in a way I have never felt for another human being. I think death has a way of connecting people in extraordinary ways. No matter where one is in life, a universal principle most of us have to acknowledge is death is simply around the corner waiting for its next victim. I wanted to do something for the woman but what really could I do. Everyone else on the train seemed unphased as though this  was typical of a the daily commute from the city to our small towns. So I did the only thing I knew to do. I prayed.
   The woman ended up getting off the train. The rest of the way home I found myself contacting my closes family members and reminding them how much I loved them. I was actually a bit embarrassed because the responses were overwhelming appreciative and surprised. It made me realize just how much I take my family for granted. I never go out of my way for anyone in a real or meaningful way. I wish I can say that my experience on the train would change my habits but I know it won't.
   It's only recently that I have began to realize how much I have become apart of the larger trend of Generation ME! What do I mean by this? Well it's this generalized idea that I was raised in a culture that finds value in individualism. Not that this is an entirely bad concept but think about it. How often in life were you told "to do what makes you happy"  or "you need to do whats best for you." We were pushed to find that one thing that made us different and special. It was in these talents that we developed abilities that then led us to placing ourselves above our peers. We placed ourselves on a pedestal. To be honest I enjoy myself on this pedestal. Perhaps it's conceited but I think if most people were honest they would admit to the pride they feel in their own pedestal.
   I often laugh at myself because I do take pride in the gifts I have and what makes me so different from the next person. Why do I laugh at my ridiculous behavior? Well think about it, I am putting myself up on a pedestal for gifts that God gave me. Who am I to take credit for the work of my God? There is great value in realizing that we were each beautifully and wonderfully made with certain spiritual gifts. One of my favorite passages in the bible is when Paul is speaking in 1 Corinthians 12. He is speaking on the terms of spiritual gifts saying that God has given to each their own but it is not meant to be used for individual purposes but instead meant to build up the body of Christ.

          "But one and the same Spirit works all these things, distributing to each one individually as He wills. For as the body is one and has many members, but all the members of the body, being many, are one body, so also is Christ." 1 Corinthians 12: 11-12

  I guess the point is that I need to remember that the world doesn't revolve around me. I wonder what it would look like if I actually lived as a member of the body of Christ instead of as a severed part.

I love this song and think you will too!
My Own Little World - Matthew West